Amour Propre

Shimmering lights of the twilight brought undesired, involuntary tears to my eyes. What did I lack? Did I do the right thing by walking away? Was it enough? Should I have waited more? Piles of questions gave a shot of severe prickling in my chest with an empty feeling.

Self respect is a big word - I smiled with a thought, wiping my tears off. I said to myself, "no I did just the right thing, just at the right time." I let myself grieve if it may needed, as much as it is required. Let all the negative thoughts about myself flow off with that.

Thing is if I do not respect myself, I cannot expect anyone else to do that to me. I am very empathetic person and I have let many people (mostly non deserving) walk off me - why does that happen? Did I lack my self respect then? Nah, but my threshold between the self respect and ego was not enough. There is a thin line that marks considerable difference between ego or attitude and self respect. I always thought that if I do not fix any problem with someone - mainly because they won't initiate - then it is my ego. And I used to let it go, apologize even when I was not wrong.

But eventually, I realized that I was completely wrong. Even if it is your old friend, if they are pressing the wrong button, I should not be the one to apologize for that. Now I do not care if they leave just because I did not apologize for their mistakes. My threshold now is just the right. I walk away.

I do my best but then once the threshold is past, I walk away (happily)!